by Vivienne Howard-Dean

Have you ever sat and wondered
What it is that makes us tick
How the mind can change from light to dark
And health, from well to sick.

Have you ever wondered why it is
That opposites attract
And yet it’s said that like to like
Works just as well in fact.

And yet I wonder why we’re here
And what it’s all about
The how’s, the whys and wherefores
The certainty and doubt.

The world’s a strange place so it seems
As are the people in it
We’re given life that’s rich and full
But can be taken in a minute.

by Vivienne Howard-Dean

Outside my window, there stands an old tree,
In Summer or Winter, no leaves can I see
The remnant of storms, gales and lightning stack
Its branches are naked, skinny and black.
And yet through those same branches, I see a new dawn
The sun rise appears, misty and warm.
Birds sit on its fingers, safe in its palms
Unafraid of its darkness, aware of its charms
As day passes on, the changes I watch
Its bark alters colour, every cranny and notch.
Sun sets and its arms stretch out in the gloom
Reaching far upwards to smile at the moon…

by Violet King

Time flies by so quickly
That we may not often say
The sentimental loving things
We feel from day to day.

So a special time like this
Is a perfect chance to show
That you’re thought of with affection
Much more often than you know.

by Don Hargreaves

The old lady decide to go to the priest
She was having a terrible problem
Her two female parrots were talking a lot
Using words that didn’t become them

Before he could help the priest had to ask
What it was that the parrots were saying
“Hi we’re hookers. D’ya want some fun?”
She was shamed by the words she was saying

The priest raised his eyebrows in shock
As he allowed what was said to sink in
And he thought, ‘How do I punish a parrot
For committing such a terrible sin?’

All of a sudden his face changed expression
An idea flashed into his mind
He thought he might have a solution
One of the more tolerant kind

He explained to the nervous old lady
That he’d had two parrots for years
They were a couple of well-behaved males
Who spent most of their time saying prayers

Let’s get them together suggested the priest
We’ll put them in the same cage
Then your parrots can learn from mine
Some words which may change their image

It’s at least worth a try the old lady agreed
And they put all four parrots together
“Hi we’re hookers. D’ya want some fun?”
Said the girls whilst each was preening a feather

The boy parrots paused in saying their prayers
They put down their bibles and beads
They gazed up to heaven with tears in their eyes
The good Lord had answered their pleas.

by Don Hargreaves

I felt lousy, I needed a break
So I chose to go on a cruise
I needed some time to relax in
No, I wasn’t just there for the booze

The cruise was planned to last for six days
And the fare was a reasonable price
I bumped into the Captain the second day out
We chatted, I like him, he’s nice

The third day turned out very sporty
I played deck games and swam in the pool
The Captain stood and watched for a while
In his whites, he was looking real cool

Next evening I dined with the Captain
The conversation was heady and light
He said he was aching with love for me
And he wanted me with him that night

I found it real hard to refuse him
By day five he was losing his grip
He said that if he could not have me
He would have to scuttle the ship

I thought of all the poor people on board
The thought of their deaths was not nice
So, I went to his cabin and did what I must
And I saved eight hundred lives – twice!

Don Hargreaves ©August 2006

by Don Hargreaves

They met when they were still puppies
Their lives were so young and so gay
They ran and jumped and scampered around
Their days were just crammed full of play

The humans with whom they were living
Had given to each pup a name
And they learned to respond very quickly
On hearing the words Mark and/or Jayne

The time came when their lives started to change
The age of their puppy stage passed
But the things that they did they still did together
It seemed that their future was cast

In ‘doggie terms, they engaged and married
Their affection had turned into love
They spent their time sharing and caring
They matched like a hand and a glove

As the years flew by they grew older
The effect was first seen in Mark
Although he was still full of affection
At Jayne he would now and then bark

Jayne chanced one day to take him to task
To ask why he was being uncouth
Mark explained to her ever so gently
She must learn ‘to take the woof with the smooth’.

Don Hargreaves
©September 2006

by Don Hargreaves

The day of the race was just two days away
When the owner turned up at the stable
He wanted the truth from the trainer, he said
On the form of his filly called Mabel

Mabel stood still in her box as they talked
She listened and took in every word
She’d not won a race in ten outings
The best she had done was come third

The owner was firm with the trainer
“This is Mabel’s last chance,” he averred
“I’ll sell her straight after the race,” he said.
“If she cannot do better than third”

In the paddock with Mabel before the race
Owner and trainer talked over their worries
The owner explained he had just done a deal
For Mabel with United Dairies!

The jockey knew what was at stake that day
As he rode Mabel out on the course
He had ridden her many times before
And he was really quite fond of the horse

The jockey decided to make use of the whip
He hit poor Mabel hard and in sorrow
“Take it easy,” cried Mabel knowing her fate.
“I have to be up early tomorrow”.

Don Hargreaves ©September 2006

by Patricia Barber

‘Home is where the heart is’
so the ‘old wives’ tell.
But, what of us who choose to dwell
in a distant land of strangers?
How do we live without our hearts
and make a home in foreign parts?
We live with an ache, in an empty shell!

Yes, we have a wonderful life
of sun drenched days, free from strife.
With a sapphire sea and chalk white sand,
we walk on the beach, hand in hand
with the dearest one who brought us here.
But, what of the loved ones we left behind?
We miss them so - all those we hold dear.

Oh! How I long for torrential rain,
or a walk in the snow in a country lane.
Tramping home again with fish ‘n chips,
with icy cheeks and tingling lips.
Or, cosy and warm by roaring logs,
with tea and crumpets, and buttered toast;
cuddled up close with faithful dogs.

Our yuletide trees, for all their charms,
are not quite right as tinselled palms.
On Christmas morning we walk on the shore;
friends cook paella, and tapas, with more
Sangria than we could ever drink - and suddenly,
I begin to think – Oh! What I’d give Grandma’s lunch
with turkey & trimmings and festive punch.

Then I close my eyes and I think again
of the strangers - now friends, who helped us when
we stumbled through their language and laws.
They opened their arms, their hearts, and their doors.
For now, the homesickness is over and done;
the ache is gone and the tears subside.
I’ll settle and be happy in my home in the sun.

But, the ache will return to the empty shell.
When and where? No one can tell.
‘Home is where the heart is’ the ‘old wives’ say.
They speak the truth, and one happy day,
I’ll return to my homeland and unite with my heart.
I’ll soothe the ache and heal the wound,
and vow on that day, never to part.

by Don Hargreaves

The first time Laura saw the new dentist
It was def’nitely love at first sight
She couldn’t stop thinking about him
She ached for the man every night

The problem was Laura was married
And she tried very hard to resist
But the day came when she tried to seduce him
Her second visit was the first time they kissed

For six months she called in for treatment
It was a steamy tempestuous affair
Week after week they made passionate love
Stretched out on the dentist’s chair

But her lover was getting quite fearful
That her husband might start to suspect
Laura protested that he would never find out
There was nothing for him to detect

The dentist said that Laura was wrong.
“He won’t have to look far for his proof
He’ll see it when he looks at your face
And he’ll ask why you’re down to one tooth.”

Don Hargreaves ©November 2006

by By Don Hargreaves

Fred and Jayne sat in the pub
Outside fresh snow was glistening
A strange conversation they overheard
And could not stop from listening.

‘You’ve got a funny accent’
‘From where d’ya come?’ said Paddy
Brian replied. ‘From the Emerald Isle,’
Just a little sadly.

‘So do I,’ said Paddy
‘From where in Ireland d’ya come?’
‘Wild and windy Donegal.’ Brian replied.
‘That’s the place that I call home.’

‘So do I,’ said Paddy
‘And where did you grow up?’
‘I lived near Killybegs,’ he said.
‘That’s where I was a pup.’

‘So was I,’ said Paddy
‘Now, tell me, when were you born’
‘I was born in nineteen-seventy’
‘The year of the terrible storm’

‘So was I,’ said Paddy
And Fred turned to Jayne and whispered
‘It seems to me the McGinty twins
Are steaming drunk again.’